BlackBook 3 Minutes: Actor/Artist Norman Reedus and Comedian Eric André
Part I: You Drink Old Fashioneds I F*** Old Fashioneds
Norman Reedus: I did this thing today, they were telling me that you were trying to fuck Joan Rivers or something like that? You were saying you wanted to fuck Joan Rivers, like you were trying to make out with her or something?
Eric André: I’d fuck the shit out of her. Mhm. Well she—
What’s up with Joan Rivers?
We didn’t fuck, but she fingered me, if you can imagine that.
What’s your obsession with Joan Rivers? What is it?
I like ‘em old, man. I like ‘em old fashioned. You drink old fashioneds, I fuck old fashioneds.
And then also with the toe su—
I don’t even- I don’t even- I don’t even use condoms anymore, I stick my dick in rubbing alcohol and hope for the best.
And what’s up with the toe sucking? I know when I did your show, there was a lot of toe sucking going on.
I’m a sick man, dude. I like my fetishes.
Part 2: Somebody Asked Me to Be In a Play
Let me turn the tables up here, cause I do want you to answer this.
I heard that you… This is what I read online, and it’s so crazy… You put on novelty glasses at a party and started screaming? And some like director came up and was like “You, you’re the star of my next play.”
Yeah, it was, something like that happened.
How did that happen? You just put on oversizes glasses and you were like “AAAAAAH!” And they were like *claps* *points*
A friend of mine took me to a party after I quit my job at a motorcycle shop. And then took me to this party to make me feel better and - there’s more to the story I won’t tell you, I won’t tell you - but I ended up going up on a second level of a living room and I took this girl’s big glasses and one of the arms was missing, and I started screaming at everybody cause I thought that they were all stupid. And somebody asked me to be in a play. And then the guy that took me to the party said “Who was that hot chick you were talking to?” And I’m like “Yeah, nobody,” and somehow that turned into us going for pizza and that person coming to meet us, and then I did a play. And then someone - an agent from LA - saw me in a play, the first night.
Part 3: Would You Rather
Change your name to Jeffrey Dahmer or Osama Bin Laden?
Hmmm…. Osama Bin Dahmer. Boom. Or Jeffrey Bin Laden would be…
That’s even better.
I think Jeffrey Dahmer, that has a nice ring to it. He’s gotten a bit out of the public eye for so long, it would like bring a, nostalgia would sweep over people once they said my name.
Okay, I love it… Okay, have to tell your neighbors you’re a sex offender, or walk around with a vibrator up your butt for a week? You can’t turn it off.
Well. Walking around with a vibrator for a whole week—
That’s also called business as usual. But I think vibrator up the butt. Yeah, vibrator, I’d sit on a vibrator. For you, I’d sit on a vibrator any day, brother.
(mod note: Okay this is officially the best “interview” I’ve transcribed, thank you so much for the request. I am proud to add it to the blog. Also you guys have to go to 0:2 and, 0:42, and listen to his laugh [direct link to video here])